For those of you who do not know the weed called Creeping Charlie, be thankful! It is a ground ivy and is extremely problematic because it infiltrates anywhere there is brown earth and a possibility of sunshine! It probably grows even in the shade! It chokes the life out of the grass and other flowering plants. I never had it until some new soil was imported to my lawn five years ago. Now it is a never ending battle!
Yes, Creeping Charlie is a concern of mine and now I have discovered that it is even growing inside of me! I have come to realize that my selfishness and self-centered behavior is like an obnoxious weed — it infiltrates my motives of being — and it was a startling discovery for me! I have always thought of myself as mostly nice and not too evil, good sense of humor, helpful here and there to others, persevering, and, I thought, quite altruistic. Then this morning, after the hundred years I have lived, I discovered how my once positive trait of being persistent, has turned me into a person who is so self-centered. I wanted something that I could not have. I was not satisfied with what I was given. Then I was reminded of the last lines of a poem I had written recently, ” …if someone special is at your door…do not ever ask for anything more.” I had to eat my words…[this has happened more than once, you would think it would silence me.
I allowed my persistence, that could be a virtue, turn me into a horrible human being. I used every manipulation I could dream of in pursuit of what I wanted. I used my persistence to the -nth degree. I used logic…at least what seemed logical to me. I used humor. I used pleading. I used what ever words I could come up with. All to no avail. I failed in my selfish quest — and it was justice served that I failed. Now I am left with great sadness. I did not consider the other person. I did not put the best interests of my friend first. I failed at the friendship and I am left with a bitter pill to swallow. Now I have nothing and it was because I could not accept the gift I was given.
In an effort to console my wounds, I wandered on to WordPress and came upon a blogger who I admire very much, Advocatemmmohan, and he had just posted a new poem. [ http://advocatemmmohanaksharaalu.wordpress.com/author/advocatemmmohan/%5D His poem, “Bird Watcher,” — it is worth your time to visit and read. The last line of his poem reads, In every incident, if your soul is able to stand like a Bird Watcher , it is nothing but a Stitha Prajna Yog.
I did not know what Stitha Prajna Yog meant. So I did some research…and then my heart wept some more. I became aware of how self-centered I was. “…to be established in wisdom” was one explanation that I found referring to the meaning of Sthita Prajna…”sthita” meaning “established” and “praina” meaning “wisdom.” [http://www.kriya.org/resources__spj.php] Another site explained it further saying that a person who possesses this, acts as “one” with others and is a person who is tranquil and quiet. This person does not allow the emotions or desires of the heart to force a reaction to a situation. But, instead, finds joy within — not contingent upon external factors. It concluded by saying, this person “will never act in a way to cause harm to others because this person sees everyone as her/his own spirit” [http://satsang-foundation.org/?p=535}
This person has self-acceptance and self-love. For it is true, unless we indeed accept and love ourselves, we will always fall short of truly loving the other person.
So…now, I must become a “Bird Watcher.” I have much growing to do…along journey ahead…and I can only hope for forgiveness for the lack of growth in myself and for causing sorrow to my friend.