OR…The Saga of the Metatarsal and HOPE and PROMISE…
My second metatarsal has just been diagnosed by three different professionals, who each have their own opinion that differs from the other two. Alas, my toe is in limbo!
The third diagnosis is from an Orthopedic Surgeon and he said something to the effect that the toe is NOT dislocated and that perhaps I damaged some sort of cap on the toe joint, and he could do surgery and go in and clean it up or I could try orthotics. He suggested I purchase a customized orthotic, unlike the manufactured one that I purchased at the suggestion of the Podiatrist.
As a result of three different consultations, I am choosing the customized orthotic and hobbling on through life. I have had several surgeries on both my right and left hands, and I am not readily choosing to have my foot as damaged as they now are.
I think underlying the entire toe issue, is my inability to have a VOICE in life to the extent that I did previous to my “retirement”–I dislike the word, “retirement” immensely. I cannot seem to dig myself out of my present circumstances. When I do venture out into the world, I am very sensitive to the reactions of those around me and those who respond to me or to those who choose not to respond to me. I read what is happening in the world–the disregard for human life, the destruction of civilizations, the killing of cultures, the disregard for compassion–I am so incredibly saddened and dismayed. I am trying with all of my might to hold on to hope and promise!
Human beings matter! Children matter! Each person matters! and I feel so helpless.
I argue with myself about what to post on my blog—should I expose more of the struggles we all seem to be facing these days? Or, should I post happy things and poems of hope and promise. On the one hand, I feel people need to be aware of what is happening and hope that my words may cause a small ripple of change; on the other hand, I am sure everyone is aware of all the horror we experience in our lives these days. So then I think, I should offer some lightness and hope…and another day of promise! Thus, when I write happy, funny poems or things distant from reality, it is because I want to put my mind and the minds of others into an arena of hope and promise. That is all I can offer at this point and I am sorry to all of my readers for failing to see this earlier as what I need to do on this blog. That being said, forgive me if I fall back and lament every once in awhile!