Creeping Charlie… and Me

English: Bird watcher at Lambley Reed Pond A s...

English: Bird watcher at Lambley Reed Pond A spring fed pond and area of unimproved grassland, owned by Nottinghamshire Wildlife Trust http://www.nottinghamshirewildlife.org.uk/nature-reserves/reed-pond/ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For those of you who do not know the weed called Creeping Charlie, be thankful! It is a ground ivy and is extremely problematic because it infiltrates anywhere there is brown earth and a possibility of sunshine! It probably grows even in the shade! It chokes the life out of the grass and other flowering plants. I never had it until  some new soil was imported to my lawn five years ago. Now it is a never ending battle!

Yes, Creeping Charlie is a concern of mine and now I have discovered that it is even growing inside of me! I have come to realize that my selfishness and self-centered behavior  is like an obnoxious weed — it infiltrates my motives of being — and it was a startling discovery for me! I have always thought of myself as mostly nice and not too evil, good sense of humor, helpful here and there to others, persevering, and, I thought, quite altruistic.  Then this morning, after the hundred years I have lived, I discovered how my once positive trait of being persistent, has turned me into a person who is so self-centered.  I wanted something that I could not have. I was not satisfied with what I was given.  Then I was reminded of the last lines of a poem I had written recently, ” …if someone special is at your door…do not ever ask for anything more.”  I had to eat my words…[this has happened more than once, you would think it would silence me.

I allowed my persistence, that could be a virtue, turn me into a horrible human being.  I used every manipulation I could dream of in pursuit of what I wanted. I used my persistence to the -nth degree. I used logic…at least what seemed logical to me. I used humor. I used pleading. I used what ever words I could come up with. All to no avail. I failed in my selfish quest — and it was justice served that I failed. Now I am left with great sadness.  I did not consider the other person. I did not put the best interests of my friend first. I failed at the friendship and I am left with a bitter pill to swallow. Now I have nothing and it was because I could not accept the gift I was given.

In an effort to console my wounds, I wandered on to WordPress and came upon a blogger who I admire very much, Advocatemmmohan, and he had just posted a new poem. [ http://advocatemmmohanaksharaalu.wordpress.com/author/advocatemmmohan/%5D        His poem,  “Bird Watcher,” — it is worth your time to visit and read.  The last line of his poem reads, In every incident, if your soul is able to stand like a Bird Watcher , it is nothing but a Stitha Prajna Yog.  

I did not know what Stitha Prajna Yog meant. So I did some research…and then my heart wept some more. I became aware of how self-centered I was. “…to be established in wisdom” was one explanation that I found referring to the meaning of Sthita Prajna…”sthita” meaning “established” and “praina” meaning “wisdom.” [http://www.kriya.org/resources__spj.php]    Another site explained it further saying that a person who possesses this, acts as “one” with others and is a person who is tranquil and quiet. This person does not allow the emotions or desires of the heart to force a reaction to a situation.  But, instead, finds joy within — not contingent upon external factors.  It concluded by saying, this person “will never act in a way to cause harm to others because this person sees everyone as her/his own spirit”  [http://satsang-foundation.org/?p=535}

This person has self-acceptance and self-love. For it is true, unless we indeed accept and love ourselves, we will always fall short of truly loving the other person.

So…now, I must become a “Bird Watcher.”  I have much growing to do…along journey ahead…and I can only hope for forgiveness for the  lack of growth in myself and for causing sorrow to my friend.

14 thoughts on “Creeping Charlie… and Me

  1. This is indeed a powerful piece of writing. How many of us actually look inside ourselves and ask how our actions of words, behavior, etc might affect the other individual. It’s hard to constantly be on guard. As humans are we capable of this perfect behavior? I’d like to think I’m a friend without fail to those I indeed call friends who show up at my door or call late at night – but am I always available for what they need? If they don’t tell me what they are seeking, am I capable of knowing instinctively what it might be? If the man I love doesn’t communicate his needs, his desires and his wants–am I responsible for fulfilling each one? Intuitivelly I’d like the answer to be yes, but I’m a mortal woman. I was put on earth and allowed to live each day by the grace of God. I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t always walk in grace. I do the best I know how not to harm anyone or anything but I’ll accept the fact that I’m not perfect and hope to grow and learn with each new day.

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    • Thank you for your very thoughtful sharing, Sheri! Yes, we are “mortal”…and yes, “It’s hard to be constantly be on guard.” Agreed. I am reading and studying Buddhism…Mindfulness”…being attentive to the present…it is a long journey. Yes, as you said, “I do the best I know how”—-me, too! I find the self-reflection helps me to see where maybe I could have offered a bit more… it hit home today when I reflected on the last couple of encounters I had.
      I was in two convents in my lifetime…as in training. I guess I got into the habit of self-reflection with the Examination of Conscience we learned to do each evening. It followed this format of reflection:(1)How did I experience God in the people and events of the day, and then thank God (2)How did I allow Jesus to love through us during the day, and thank God (3)How did I fail to be Jesus-like…and then ask for healing forgiveness (4)Thank God for Her/His Blessings on all.
      So, I guess in the end, I am hoping God will bless the people and my efforts and be grateful that I have been given a chance to breathe life! And yes, each day we do learn something new and I hope to be a better person to myself and those I meet.

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  2. The full Moon showers it’s silver dust on this earth , to get soaked and en thrilled with joy. Unveiling the smart wars between soul & mind , is a great art unless one has perfect grip over the situation.
    Like Sanjya , you unveiled the Mahabharata war of soul & mind to this world like Dhrutharastra ( blind king )
    with regards
    advocatemmmohan

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  3. Mich Smith says:

    Lovely!!

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  4. Nothing was wasted, there’s no blame, and nothing has been lost that won’t be regained again.

    Cycles of life.

    We live, we learn, we grow, we lose sometimes, yes, but Spring comes and with it, loss is replaced with renewal; something better, deeper, and more meaningful, because we learned along the way 🙂

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  5. You are 100 years old? WOW. That is enormously impressive. A cool grandma too, having a blog! 🙂

    I was reading about the creeping weed & when you said it was growing in you I actually believed you! What a great post – wonderful reflection. Love that quote about someone special at your door: lovely.

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  6. When I got to the line that says the weed is growing inside you, I thought ”oh no, this is going to be Alienish” 🙂 This is quite an admission and I so greatly admire that you are able to look deep inside and realise where you went wrong instead of just blaming others for why you do not have what you wanted. Indeed, justice was served and we got to read a very insightful post that gives us food (a whole buffet) for thought.

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    • Thank you…it was quite a journey inside…I wasn’t too sure about sharing it, but then thought, by releasing it out into the universe, I would help to free myself and help me to forgive myself. I knew the message would be received by others who seek the truth and their light would heal me. I do believe we are all light beings carrying love crystals to one another —

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  7. Sharmishtha says:

    mohan is very wise, and his posts are very enlightening.

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