there is nothing so devastating
as when a son or daughter leave you
without a word…
…no call
…no note…
just
GONE…
the emptiness remains forever
the mind cannot quiet itself
questions continually rise
left on the precipice of doubt
no consolation exists
the pain cuts razor deep into the heart…
we are a parent
we are meant to love and protect our child
we are meant to help them face life
each child is a part of us
not one of them is less
the one we tried to share the best of ourselves with
the one we gave our last ounce of energy to
the one we would wait for to come home at night
the one who would call us to come and help
and we would go and bring the child home
the one we would sit through countless hours of recitals with..
now this child has tiptoed into stages unfamiliar…
this one…where is this child?
our hope for beauty for this child
has been sidestepped…
this child disappears into the night
part of us is lost
we worry…we cannot sleep
our child is flung to the high seas
tossed from one wave to another
and we cannot reach them…
we cannot bring them to safety
we sit adrift our memories and thoughts
we blame ourselves
what happened? where did I go wrong?
streams of should have, would have, could have
flood our brain
they are the love crystals of our being
we want them to be safe
we want to help them
and
hold them close
and
we can’t…
our heart is near breaking
our thoughts hasten to the one who is
“Grasping”…Photo Credit: Jane H. Johann, Edmonton, ALberta, Canada, 2014.
lost…
and the tears fall
like raindrops in a monsoon
soaked into the Earth
and the Earth is drenched with sorrow
and…still…
the child hears us not
we were told we had to let them go…
they were gifts not possessions
let them go…
but our hearts are with them
and
our prayers never cease
Footprints of Thoughts 
We did what we were supposed to do. Imbed them with the knowledge of how to survive and set them as free as a bird. One day to return, hopefully showing maturity of natures and Godâs way. Hugs.
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thank you, Nancy…hugs to you, too! Way out there on the West coast!
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This reaches my heart and tears at it – the loss, the uncertainty and the question ‘where did i go wrong?’ when you probably didn’t go wrong at all but can’t help asking and wondering. This is real and oh so poignant. Kudos!
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thank you, John…it just seems too many of us face this today…it is the most difficult thing of my life
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Indeed children are gifts that one day will leave their nests when they get married
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Increased prayers coming your way. Trust yourself.
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Johann, this is heartwrenching 😦 Prayers for you and your child…
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Wound that never heals.try to think positve.
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Oh this touches my very core . . . thank you for writing. I am about to let go of my son for a minimum of 18 months while he attends school far away from me and he is busy cutting all ties with me in order to process it all. Thank you is all I can say, and yes prayers never cease. Blessings.
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So your blog has not been deleted, Something to be happy about. I am sorry to hear of your” loss” of one of your children-it can be as hard,-I’ve gone thru this with a grandchild on drugs, but there is always hope that they will come back, call, text, e-mail, or face book. Thanks for sharing something so personal. My prayers are with you as always.
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Well…it is more like a revolving door situation…but I feel there is a huge gap between us…and I do not know how to fix it.
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WOW. As I sit here, tears spilling down my face, I wonder when you crawled inside my soul and pulled out all those thoughts of mine. If pain is a mark by which really good writing, then you scored an A+.
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I did not want you to cry…I hope your heart is better. I tried phoning you a number of times this afternoon and tonight–hope you are okay out there in Virginia land!
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sorry for your tears…dearheart
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Jane this is heart wrenching. Hugs my friend. 🙂
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Thank you for visiting, Celestine! I sent you an email–do not know if you received it. Lara is coming home for a month, as the school year begins again in October in Togo–she will return at the end of September for another year! Her Dad is not doing too well health-wise, so she had an opportunity to fly home. I am anticipating her arrival! Yay! Hope you and your family are well! I think about you and send prayers everyday that the Eboli will NOT touch you and that someone will find a cure.
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Jane so glad that Lara is coming over for a month. That’s wonderful. But then it’s sad about her father. I do hope he gets well soon.
Yes I did reply to your mail. So far we in Ghana are safe from the Ebola. Thinking of you daily, Jane. You are always in my prayers. 🙂
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Just mentioning I saw in the news the other day that one of the Americans infected was released from the hospital. A vaccination for Ebola’s “cousin” virus shows promise, they stated 🙂
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I am so happy you are well and safe! Thank YOU for all of your prayers, Celestine! I will have to go to your blog to find your reply…I didn’t receive it in my mail. Blessings to you and your family, Celestine!
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It’s a living nightmare…I hope you wake up soon an find a happy ending.
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I wasn’t specifically speaking about myself…but any parent whose child has left and doesn’t contact his/her parent after leaving. But, yes, I would imagine it is a nightmare. Thank you for your visit and your thought.
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Oh, Jane, I thought YOU were the parent with the child that left! No?
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no
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My children are all out of the house…The oldest lives 20 miles from me, soon to be married…the middle child is married…and the youngest, teaches in West Africa. They are in their middle twenties.
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