I realize that the more I accept this fact, that I do not know everything and do not have the answers to everything, the more I learn.
I realize that fear is a monster that appears to reside in us and can prevent us from being more confident. Fear leads us to thinking we have to know it and understand it all immediately. Fear brings with it the worry that we will not be accepted if we do not know it all. Fear is a false god.
It is so much easier to live not having to carry the burden of “knowing it all.”
It frees our spirit and helps us to live more honestly, I believe. I thought I was open to many people and to many things. Then I have realized, how uncomfortable I am when I am confronted with a new thought or a different way of thinking. Then I have said to myself: “Wow, Jane, wake up! And smell the roses! Listen to the other’s opinion–you might learn something!”
Why would I be so uncomfortable, if I was not filled with fear? Then the fear takes over, and I wear the mask of confidence knowing nothing!
To truly listen is an art. It means taking away all judgment and allowing the speaker to come into your heart. It means not trying to solve anything for that person. To listen means to listen. Not to have answers ready for them…to BE there for them…to BE there with them in their struggle…to BE present…to BE a present. Those are beautiful words but they sure are not easy to live!
Then I was confronted with another illusion! I do not judge others–do I? Oh, I tell you, when you begin to think…it just goes around and around like a merry-go-round! And confidence does ride along the fence with judgment. When we make a judgment about something, we are making a decision about it, and then we feel more confident with our judgment and go on our merry way! Until—someone comes along and blows our entire judgment to the winds, as happened recently to me regarding myself.
Speaking about feelings, I proudly said, “Well, I am only hardest on myself, not others.! Someone said to me, “Well, we usually do to others what we do to ourselves.” The really ticked me off—dang—another thing I thought I had down pat! I thought no one can get me on that point. But since Tuesday evening I have been thinking about just that statement. Usually when I spend that much time thinking about something someone has said to me, I know there is a truth in there somewhere.
Another idea to look at and it did not make me feel very comfortable.
I have been thinking, “Yes, this is true…I am very hard on myself…and then perhaps I am hard on others in very subtle ways….maybe in subtle ways I do judge others. Maybe I am judging others when I am so darn worried about what they are thinking about me, when in fact, as another friend, pointed out, “Jane, it is NONE of your business what they are thinking! That is their business!” So, in fact, when I waste my moments thinking about the opinions of others about me— I am judging them and harshly…because most of the time I am thinking, I am not a very good person…so then, I think they are thinking that also! That is quite judgmental! And not at all nice, that I think they are viewing me as someone less than good. What kind of a friend am I? I am not accepting them as the gracious person that they are! WOW!
The conclusion from all of this is, I need to accept and love myself so that I can truly love and accept others. I need to accept the fact that I do not know everything and that it is quite alright! I just need to love me as I am…listen more and speak less. But then, what would I have to blog about? LOL
- 358: Love or Fear? Learning to let go of behaviors. (aspergersgirls.wordpress.com)
- Learning From the Illusion of Understanding (creativitypost.com)
- Motherlode Blog: Similac’s Dubious ‘No Judgment’ Marketing (parenting.blogs.nytimes.com)
- Thought Awareness, Rational Thinking, and Positive Thinking (mylittleblackpen.wordpress.com)
- The space between Thoughts: (endfearinstantly.wordpress.com)
- 406: Fear, Desire, and Attachment (aspergersgirls.wordpress.com)
- horrible, judgy thoughts and why you might want to imagine yourself through your BFF’s eyes (hotwaterandlemon.com)
Yes, fear tends to overcome us when we need to overcome fear 🙂
Ignorance is bliss. We have two ears, to listen more. One mouth speak less. Good read.
True words Jane! Keep your head up and be proud, my dear friend! you are a wonderful and sweet person and talented as well. Now, show the world what you are made of! (and show yourself in the progress as well)
Lots of love,
Thank you, Mich!
Fantastic post! Thank you.
thank you, Tersia.
Your ‘confidence’ piece is SO on target – loved each syllable. You have consolidated years of living and trying….and self- discovery! Thanks.To no avail, I have spent a bit of time trying to look up an e.e. cummings’ bit on believing in ourselves/discovery. Wonder if you know it. Goes something like: we do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable! Continuing, there is something about once we DO believe in ourselves, we can BE ourselves and delight in any experience that reveals the human spirit..
–Submitted to me by B.B. via email
Thank you for your beautiful comment, B.B.! The quote is SO on target as well…and enhances this posting! Thank you! and thank you for following my blog!
What great inner self-reflection. Wow, this represents a lot of work.
Yes, it was a “lot of work”–and as painful as it was, it was a learning lesson and brought me to new awareness. Thank you, Sheri, for your comment and for being an important person of my WordPress family!